had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
