I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
