I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
