one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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