You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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