Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
