i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
