forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Sacagawea was the original milf.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
