the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
