You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
