operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
