She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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