Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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