sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
