I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
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he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
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If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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