i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
