I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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