If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
