I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
