im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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