I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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