I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
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Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
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Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The adults are the big ones right?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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