I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Vodka?
Forever.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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