dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
