Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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