Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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