is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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