If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
