u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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