Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
