yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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