Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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