thus making me awesome and them whores
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
