He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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