I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I will pee on everything he values.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
