I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
