Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
