Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
