I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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