is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
