guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize