I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
