I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
