my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
