did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
