saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
