My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
