If you die in college, do you die in real life?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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