You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
