lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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