I wish I could punch you in the face.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
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He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
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Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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