I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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