He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
