All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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