I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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