I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You can't special order awesome
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
