Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Well I just put wine in my tea
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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