awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
