I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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