I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
