how can u be prego again
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
