this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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