Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
