last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Floor bacon is actually really good
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
