By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
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its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
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Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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