I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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