i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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