It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
