I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But break dance skills will only take you so far
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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