I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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