oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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