Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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