I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
