I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
