Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
