It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
