spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
