Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
