Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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