you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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