You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
