I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
