In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
