A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
